I don't really like where I am right now. I got an invitation to stay with a friend in Rome, and I have to decline, and it hurts. I just can't affor it. That sucks. It's one of the first times that I've had to address the concept of money. My folks have provided well for me, and I've taken advantage of it. It's hard not to. But I'm trying to look at situations like they are, not like I'd like them to be, and a big part of the world is money. I'm a communist that is loaded. Loaded on heroin, loaded with my parent's wealth, loaded with my own self consciousness. I hate myself most days. That's the hardest truth to acknowledge. I'm tired. I'm really tired. I want to stay off dope, but I don't want to. You don't know how it is. IT is. It's really dificult. It's all around. Myself, i'm all around. I can't escape. The anti-depressants help, but only so much.

I've revealed a lot in this. I wish I wasn't judged by my writing. But I am. You don't know me. But you judge me and I judge you, and that's okay. It's tough, but it's okay.

'oh, it creeped right in, oh, inside my skin, oh i live within the, the enemy. it's at my window. have you seen a rage so bold? keeping me away causin' me grow old. has it been shot at you, its at my window. have you tasted fear so close? what you want you hate the most. making me the first, making me the worst. it's at my window.' ----'enemy' by thistle