I'm Charlie. I'm new to this area. Where the fuck is the bathroom? I'm old. I'm going to die soon. Really soon. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE BATHROOM? I'M LOSST? How do I get to New York from here? To the East Village, e.13th st. please. What? I have to go to Boise? Then to Colorado Springs? Then Kansas City? Then where, you say? Chicago? Pittsburg? I'm not fucking going to go to New Jersey. New Jersey sucks balls. I'm too old to say things like 'suck balls'. Too fucking old.

But I'm not too old to go get a tattoo touched up today. And I'm not too old to get a fucking new tattoo. I'm not going to do that yet though. I'm waiting until I've finished one semester in New York City and I'm happy. And I'm not too strung out. In fact, I won't be strung out at all. A new chapter in Charlieland. Clean is hard. But it's okay, most of the time. Hard is good.

I bought Scotty a camera as a going away present. It's a Hasselblad copy I got off of eBay. I think he'll like it. I know he will. I don't know if he will accept it but I'll fucking make him. It wasn't too much cash. He's worth it. He's worth missing and miss him I will. It really sort of sucks just knowing what the future of a relationship holds. Or doesn't hold, as the case may be. And that sucks, hardcore. It sucks to sleep in someone's arms knowing that I won't be in a month. Less now. I don't know if he cares. I know he does, that's a lie. I mean, I want it too, but how much do I want it? Would I want differently if he wanted something else? Something more? I mean, freedom is cool and all, I want it too, but how much do I want it? Is it going to be like heroin? Where the myth is way better than the reality? Where I leave and come back and leave and come back and every fucking way sucks. I can turn left right up down in out over and it's still the fucking same and it sucks? Or will it be a fucking beautiful new chapter in chuckdiaryland?

The pictures are beautiful. I will go print large pictures on Sunday in Berkeley. I mapped out everything. EVERYTHING FROM WHAT I DO TODAY TO HOW I GET TO NEW YORK FUCKING CITY.

I am nuts.