I wish I knew what I was doing. It's been a really long time since I was in a relationship that meant anything to anyone. I feel like I'm stumbling blind, but I don't think he minds. I just hate feeling like I don't know what I'm doing or worrying that I'm doing something wrong. I'm not talking sex stuff really, though that is included. No, it's also just in the how-to-not-be-obnoxious-in-public department. We really are sickeningly cute. I love it, but I would be willing to bet my friends will kill me sooner or later. I'm dragging Scott to a skinhead show tonight. (Oh, and by the way, skinheads aren't Nazis. Not here, and not my friends or me. Fuck racists.) The Reducers SF are playing, and they rock. A lot of my skin friends are going, and I want him to meet some of my friends. I've met a lot of his, but he hasn't really met too many of mine. But I wonder whether I will be uncomfortable with my physical need to hold him in that setting. I don't know. We'll see. This is so fucking awesome.

A few weeks ago I wrote something about wanting to be hit over the head with a two by four made of affection, when I least expect it. Well for once, my wish came true.

This diary is getting almost as obnoxious as my life. But I don't really care.

I want Max to find someone. He deserves it so much. I hate it that it doesn't seem to be working lately for him. He remains pretty positive about it, but I want him to be REALLY happy with some boy or girl of his fancy. That would make me happy. I want to help him.