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All Or Nothing

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[2001-07-11]-[2:52 p.m.]

I asked him. He said yes. I'm so fucking happy. He said something along the lines of 'OF COURSE I WON'T SEE OTHER BOYS!!' I'm glad we've established that. It was a cute conversation. I went to meet him and a few of his friends in Marin last night. One of his friends was on the phone, and she says, 'I'm here with Scott and his boyfriend....' I was so fucking happy when Scott didn't say anything to contradict that. I didn't either. It made me happy. I'm wearing all Scott's clothes right now, because I wasn't planning on spending the night, but I did and woke up and put on his clean clothes. It's nice. I like his underwear.

Of course, this morning, it took me about a year to get out of his house. I didn't want to leave. He didn't want me to leave. We didn't do anything sexual last nigh (too tired, but we did kiss and feel a lot!), and I sort of wanted to this morning, but I wanted to come home. I haven't slept here in a few days, and I wanted to be home for a bit. But he hugged me this morning, and we were kissing and he stuck his hand in my back pocket. He managed to take out my wallet, and I'm not sure exactly what he did with it, but we both forgot and I managed to drive home and realized that I left my fucking wallet at his place. So now I'm broke and I don't have an ID or driver's license till I see him tonight. At least I have an excuse for being obsessive and seeing him again tonight. I think my friends should kill me now. I'm not ignoring them, I just haven't been in a relationship with anyone I've liked in a long while. And I really like him. I think I'm sort of creepy sometimes.

Speaking of creepy, I think Max must think I'm really weird. We went to lunch yesterday, and I had a lot of fun. But we have some weird ass conversations. We talked about whom we'd like to eat. (Yes, WHOM, as in, which people). I meant to say that Haley Joel Osmond (or whatever his name is) will be hot in 10 years, and I think it came out sounding like I am some gross pedophile. I didn't mean it like that, but he will be hot in 10 years. He really will. Is that gross to think?

'I'm not askng the questions. I'm not demanding the answers now. Take what you give. Right or wrong, just take me, lead me on.' ----'Ache' by Jawbreaker

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