I've been writing to some interesting and unnexpected people in the last few days. I like the people, but I think that they make me depressed. Not what they say, just who they are. I've written to two people that this guy I really like has had relations with recently. The people are very, very sweet people, but that fact alone makes me think about my fucked up relationships or lack thereof lately. It's not all bad, I've just been kind of sad lately, and this fucking movie I watched today didn't help. The movie was a wierd art type movie with Bjork in it. It was extremely depressing, and the lack of still camerawork made me sick, literally. I thought I was going alone with Christopher, but again I was surprised to find out otherwise. Daniel and Cameron came along. I don't know Cameron very well, but he's sweet if not a bit immature. I like Daniel too, but I wasn't expecting them to come. I love all the people that went, but it wasn't what I was expecting and I was hoping to see Chris alone before I left just to sort some of my own personal shit out. That didn't happen, and the movie annoyed me. Afterwards we went to Daniel's house to play board games, but that didn't happen either. I was hoping to, but nay, it was not to be. Cameron had to go home, and Chris wanted to get some stuff he had left at Cameron's last night, so he left with him. It kind of annoys me, considering Chris told me a few days ago that he wanted to kick it after the movie. But whatever. I just came home and ate dinner with my parents. Chris just makes me depressed. Every time I see him, even when I talk to him, I end up getting angry or sad or both. I don't really know if it's what he does, or what I do that makes it turn out that way. I wish I could just not be friends with him, you know, just forget all about him, but I can't. I can't divorce what I'd like logically from what I feel. No, it's not any of the fucking emo bullshit. I know that not thinking about Chris would make me feel better, but I really like him. I want to be better friends with him, even though I know he doesn't have the time or, more importantly, the interest in pursuing a friendship with me. That's the part that makes me sad. I want it so bad, and it at least seems like he doesn't fucking care.

I saw Caitlin last night too, and she pulled some serious passive/aggresive bullshit by saying she came inside of Gilman St. to find me, and couldn't. I was one of five people dancing wildly to the band in a small place where there were less than 100 people present. It confuses me. I suppose it is possible, but it certainly seems unlikely. She left a note on my car that says: 'I found your car, but I didn't come here to hang out with your car. Call me whenever. Hope you had fun tonight.' That's from memory, so it's not perfect, but that's at least the gist of it. I don't quite understand why she was upset or what I did to deserve it, and I'm not sure she even meant it, but I'm just confused and sad. I don't know what the hell to think of what's going on with Caitlin. She's a complete conundrum to me. Most people I can at least get some idea of what's going through their heads, but Caitlin, as much as I love her, remains a total mystery.

I'm glad I'm skipping town for a few days to get away from myself for a while. I got in a small argument with my parents today for no reason. I just wanted to be an asshole, so I asked them if I coould either get my tattoo, or get my tongue or nipples pierced. I know what their answer is, but I asked anyway, just to start an argument. I don't even want my nipples pierced that badly, and I can fucking wait for the other two. I've been doing things like that for a few days, just getting angry and taking out my aggresion on people who don't deserve it. I mean, sure, my parents are morons about some of these stupid rules but I'll be gone soon enough. That's not even the point. The real problem here is that I need to get away from everyone I know around the Bay Area. It's strange that a place that I love more than anything in the world could cause me so much grief. As much as I love it here, I need to leave, if only for a few days. So goodbye Berkeley, I love you, and I'll see you soon.