Last night was cool. I went to Gilman St. for a while, didn't actually pay, just left a wallet at the door and went in for about an hour. Max wasn't there, or at least I didn't see him, which definitely eased my sensibilities. Not that I don't want to get to know the guy, but, hey, I couldn't have handled it last night. I talked to Chris briefly, but he seemed pretty busy. Anyway, I was hanging out with this kid Mikey, from Wet-Nap (I still refuse to call them the Cost). He is hilarious. He looks like a typical punk. He's just a skinny white boy, kind of cute, kind of dirty. His facial hair doesn't look good, but he's cute nonetheless. Anyway, we walked up and got some tea togethor at Happy Donuts, and we started talking about school. He's a fucking dynamic physics major at SF State or something. It shocked me. He's a fucking smart guy. I'm gonna study theoretical math and calc next year, so we bonded talking about heavy math. It's wierd, when I look at punks I just kind of assume they are just dumb kids that squat at houses and write zines. But no, we're just as smart as everyone else. We go to school, study geeky math, fuck cute people (though I doubt my idea of cute is the same as ANYBODY else's). It was so much fun talking to Mikey, made me feel so good about myself and about my friends. Just because we go to dumb shows, and hang out with greasy kids, doesn't mean we can't love math, or go study particle physics. We can still make a change, without sacrificing principles.

Speaking of principles, I dont know what to do about myself. I spent the morning reading Chris's bay area diy message board. There was all this talk about how fucked up it is to throw the word 'fag' aroung. I realized I do it all the time. I don't really see it as fucked up when I use it. I mean, I'm gay, I use it as a description for flamingly gay men. But then again, I hate hearing other people use it, and I know what I'm saying can be taken in an unintended way by a kid who is questioning his sexuality. I know what I'm saying is wrong, but I do it anyway. I'm such a double-standard bearing hypocrite (I finally figured out how to spell that word right).

Promise #2: I will stop using the 'f' word. No, not 'fuck,' the other one. It's wrong and can cause harm to identity-questioning kids.

At Gilman St. I also talked to Paul a bit. He's a freshman kid I taught as a teacher's assistant in Math I last block. He's really cool. He was kind of wierd to me for a while when I was his T.A., but he's really sweet now. Kind of cute too. Way too young for me, but he'll be hot in a few years. He already has the senior girls loving him. They all think he's precious... and he is. I went to Burnt Ramen, the studio in Richmond to see Nick's band after that. It was cool. I drank a little, which I'm not too proud of, but it was fun. It was just a party. I have no idea how Nick's band played, I was too busy shooting film to pay attention to the band. I get some serious tunnel vision when I'm doing photo, I just block everything else out and just concentrate on the picture I'm taking or the print I'm making. It's great getting lost like that. There's nothing like being totally into something you're doing. Especially when I'm doing something productive.