I talk about you a lot.

I love you.

I told S that. I told him I loved him. I told him I am in love with dexter, and how it's different because I feel like it's equal with Dexter. With Scott, I felt like when I told him I loved him, I didn't get any affection in return until after it was over, and I moved on, and he is in love with me. He says he's not. I don't know if he is or isn't. And i don't care right now. I love Dexter. And I'm in love with him. And he's the first boyfriend I've ever had who I think about when I whack off. Everyone else, I'd think about someone hotter, someone I wanted more. There's no one else. Strange. And wonderful. I know I shouldn't write about this. But I'm scared and I'm vulnerable, and I'm revealing everything.

I am tring to sell two prints to make enough money for D to come to NYC to visit me for a week or two. I might be able to do it.

I got him a job at the Explo. Dar loves me, and he's a perfect kid. Perfect for the job, perfect for me.

I got a job, maybe! Freelance photog for a business person. He publishes business mags, and he needs corporate shots done sometimes, and I am a prime candidate considering (he's married) but he's dating my cousin. So I should at least have a shoe in for some gigs sometimes. Just enough money to get D out and feel good about everything. I do feel stellar about him. About everything. He is everything to me right now. Him and school, and I'm trying hard in school right now too. And I'm trying hard in love.

I'm in love.