I had lunch with Chris, sort of. We went to Amoeba records with Daniel, and I acted wierd the whole time. My sugar was a bit low, and that on top of being around Chris and not feeling particularly into being ignored just made me act wierd. Chris and Daniel talked a lot and bought music, and oh fuck. I think I may have left the record I bought at school today. Oh well, it's a bit late to do anything about that. I'll just have to look for it on Friday. This entry is wasting my time, so I'll get to the important things.

I realized today that I am really mean with my words, but my actions are good. I try to make the actions, or at least the reasons behind my actions with good intentions. I try to be a good guy like that. My words, at the same time though, may be really harsh, sharp, and kind of mean. It's not serious, but also not too nice. But one of my friends, I realized is totally great, nice, PC with his words, while his actions totally put me off. I don't think he thinks about his intentions when he does shit to me or with me. It bugs me, and I told him what I thought today, but I don't think he knew I was serious. Fuck, I wish I could talk to Chris about this, like this, in person. I'm incapable of honestly expressing how much I like him, and how much I wish he was cooler with me. I pray he doesn't read this, I don't know if he does or not, but I hope not. I expect that he would just take it as an attack, which I don't mean it to be. I just want him to understand that I wish he would think about the intentions behind, and results of, his actions. I want people to understand that when they hurt me, I want them to mean to. I don't mind as much, and I don't feal as guilty being angry if they honestly meant to just fucking annoy me or hate me or piss me off or make me jealous or even happy. I want them to mean to do it, and I want that intention to be accurate and honest. I don't want any of this, 'oh, I didn't mean for you to get hurt, I just don't have time for you.' That hurts me a lot more, and I feal guilty about getting mad, because none of these kids intend to piss me off. They just don't think about the results of their attitudes. I probably do the exact same thing, without realizing it, but I try to think about the effects of my actions. That's one of the many rasons why I hate most of my coworkers, one in particular. Zephyr has been an asshole to me the whole time I've been working with him. I don't think he knows how much his hypercritical attitudes towards me just piss me off when I've done nothing to him. I'm ready to quit my job after I talk to my boss if nothing changes. I'm not that annoyed with work tonight, only with fealing used and incapable of sorting my life out. I just need to go out tomorrow and print some hot photos, and talk to the kids who are good to me. I'm tired, and I need to get back to work.

I'll fill in the rest of the lyrics to this song later when I have a stereo with me: