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All Or Nothing

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[2001-08-18]-[3:50 p.m.]

Hmmmmmm. I had the best sex of my life today. My god. But I'll leave out all the sordid, glorious details and just say that it was good. I also bought new underwear today! Yipee! Yesterday I went to see The Reducers SF at the Pound. The play by play of the last few days is of little importance, so I'll skip the rest.

I think it's sort of interesting how songs get intrinsically linked to people. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks. I can't listen to 'Come As You Are' by Nirvana without thinking of Nick Johnson, my middle school boyfriend. He used to listen to that with me, and because of him and his older sister's influence on him, and therefore on me too, I started listening to punk rock and indie shit. I wouldn't be where I am right now if it wasn't for him. And whenever I hear it I think of him. When I hear 'That's What I Get' by Nine Inch Nails I think of Christopher. No, that's not quite true, I think of how stupid I was for letting him lie to me for so long. ('Why's it come as a surprise to think that I was so naive....') I don't mind thinking of these guys when I hear the songs; it's sort of nice. I associate songs with times in my life too. I can't hear The Sisters of Mercy without thinking about 8th grade. I can't hear 'Daly City Train' by Rancid without thinking about shooting dope in Bart (public transit train system) bathrooms. I can't hear Screw 32 without thinking about dinner with Brett Reed from Rancid and Andrew Champion that night two years ago at that Italian resteraunt in Berkeley by my house. Andrew and I were pretty good friends, and he's friends with Rancid, so he said he'd introduce us. And dinner was amazing and friendly and easy and Brett was too. But I also think about how Andrew dropped off the face of the planet when he moved to Santa Cruz and I wonder, but doubt, if he ever thinks about me. I can't listen to it without thinking about this shit. I hear Blondie and I think about Caitlin. The list goes on and on. Punk rock and pop, it all links itself to myself. That's sort of what these song quotes are about. Songs are about me. They're about you. They're about everyone, and I love that. And I hate it sometimes too.

'Good morning heartache. You're like an old friend. Come and see me again. Testify my love for you, I know it runs deep through your body too.' ----'Old Friend' by Rancid

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