No conclusions on what to do about our relationship in 8 days. We didn't really talk much about it at all. We really need to. I'm avoiding it, and I know I shouldn't. I can't anymore. We need to have a 'Talk' about it, but I really don't want to. It's going well right now though.

I saw the video for my brother's band's single tonight when I got home. His band played The Fillmore tonight, and they were on the top 40 station (you know, the Smash Mouth/Britney/N'Sync/Third Eye Blind/everything 'pop' station) for an hour being interviewed and playing accoustic versions of their songs. It's sort of sickening. He's really pissing me off lately. I'm happy for the band, if that's what they want (pop stardom). That's cool and all. I have no problems with them selling out; that's what they want so that's what I want for them. But Toby hasn't been too honest about a lot of things lately, and it's going to bite him int he ass sooner or later. I love him, but I want him to get hurt by these things (girls, drugs, ego). I am so incredibly awed by his band's upcoming success, but I don't have that jaw dropped, overpowering, all consuming love and narrow view of him where he can do no wrong (like I had as a young'un). The blinders are off, not to use too many clich�s. This shit really bugs me. His girlfriend is too good for him, romantically. I don't know. I love him. I want his band to kick all this pop bullshit, Backstreet Boy, ass. They're so much better. I wish I could have made it tonight to see them, but I got back too late.

Anyway. I need some some truth. I wish my brother hadn't taken the car tonight and I could go dance the night away at Popscene. I wish I wish I wish i wish i siwishs wiwhsh.