At any rate, London is amazing. It's nice to get away from some of the bullshit at home. This feels a bit like my trip to Portland at the beginning of the summer. I'm not running away from my problems, but it's still nice to get away from them. Scotty has been amazing. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do in a few weeks (oh fuck, it's only like two weeks now. fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfcuckfuck.) I'm getting more and more scared of seperation. I still don't really know if he wants to stay together. I'm not even positive I want to ask him to do that. That's a lot of committment, and I wonder whether he really cares about this as much as I do. This is just paranoid delusion, I know (at least I think), but I still wonder sometimes. We're having a good time now, though. I think we communicate pretty well for a couple. I try to, at least.

But sometimes I wonder whether I'm just making myself see what I want to see. I've done it with so many other people and so many other situations that I have to wonder....

I can't help thinking about Chris sometimes. It's starting to bug me.