I'm tired. I'm fucking broke. Too much cashflow spent today. Money on dim sum with Laurel and D. Cashflow on dinner for Caitlin for her birthday. I hate feeling broke. I have a hundred dollars to last me till the end of the month. I'm going to have to borrow from the folks. And I fucking hate that. And I have bills that will await when I return to NYC. Fuck I don't want to go back. Shit is so nice here with Dexter. So nice.

We're staying together when I leave. I want to. Trepidation strikes, but I still want it.

Scott tried to convince my boyfriend not to stay with me. He said it's a bad idea. He's not right. I wonder what the fuck is going on in Scott's mind. I don't know if he is still in love with me. He loves me, but that's not the same as being in love with. I love him. I'm certainly not in love with him. I told him that I would have stayed with him. I told Scott that I wanted to. That he knew that, and I at least implied that he shouldn't be upset with me moving into another relationship. That I'm over what we had. He had his chance. He told me he was over it, but I'm starting to wonder. I wanted to be in that relationship. I don't now. And look: he does. Or maybe not quite. I don't know. I can't second guess Scott. He defies that kind of intuition. I want to be friends.

I went to dinner with Caitlin. I'm broke now. That sucks.

Fuck. I'm falling in love. I don't mind. I don't care what people say. I like him.