Today I went to a coffee shop in a middle of nowhere town, so quaint. So lovely. I almost want to live in the middle of nowhere. The people are so friendly, so nice. Dexter was lovely. We walked through the regional park, skipped rocks in a creek. Saw the water temple in Sunol. It was grand. It was stellar. I'm falling in love. That's alien baby.

I haven't been in love with anyone since Scott. I still love Scott. I'm through with that relationship. But he is still a big part of my heart. And I'm still friends with him. I told him that Dexter and I are dating. He said it's disgusting. He said he's jealous. I said, I don't really care. I'm not ashamed. I love him. He loves me. I don't give much of a fuck past that. We're going to make it work. At least, we're going to try. People tell me Scott is still in love with me. I didn't believe it until now. But he might be. He doesn't want me anymore, and that's good. But he loves me like I love him. It's time to move on, though. I am. I think he is too. I thought I was the only one having problems moving forward, and now that I make a big leap I realize he's more fucked over it than I thought. I think. This is all presumptious. I haven't talked to him much at all in the last week or two. But I think I know that. At least, I want that. I want to be friends. And that's all. Dexter is my boyfriend. And he's a great one.

I'm FUCKING EXCITED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME. Maybe I'm codependent. And maybe I love him. That's grand.

Fuck fuck fuck. It's grand.

I need to screw my head on straight. I need to get Dexter over here. I worry about him sometimes. I don't want any of the shit to touch him. I want him to be safe. I want him to be happy. I hope I help. I really do. I think I do. He said I do. That means a lot to me. I hope it means something to him. I want it to work out beautifully. Everything. I want to be there, and I want him to be here for me. He is. And I think it will stay that way. I sincerely hope so. I love you.

I am the kind of guy who leaves the scene of the crime: