I was on a panel today to talk about coming out at school. I didn't say much of importance. I didn't have much to say. I didn't come out. I never announced it to the world: 'Hey, I fuck boys!' People found out; I told my friends; word spreads quickly; I refused to hide by not talking about guys I thought were hot. But I was on the panel anyway. I may have volunteered. I don't know and I don't give enough of a fuck to care. Wow, I sure am swearing a lot tonight. Anyway, the panel didn't matter. No one really cares. People just come because there's free pizza. I didn't say anything that would hit them hard, and I don't think anyone else did either. Doug was there, but I didn't really care. Too much other shit going on at school to worry about boys. Chris seems to be ignoring me. He says 'hi' when we cross paths, but nothing more. I don't really give enough of a fuck about anything right now to try and do anything about it. He'll call when he has time, if ever. Whatever. (That's poetic for ya!)

Life's too much of a fucking hassle right now to deal with. I get so wrapped up in these little insignificant issues. It seems so important to me right now. Is censorship such a bad thing? I think so. I'm not going to go into a long diatribe about it here. Is that how you even spell diatribe? Yes it is, according to the New Scholastic Dictionary of American English. At any rate, I want to get drunk tonight. I don't have the energy to do it, nor the real will. But I would like to just fall asleep and forget about photographs, school, all you fucking boys that refuse to want me, Shannon for not seeing me, only seeing 'gay=safe.' All this fucking bullshit. I don't have any friends right now, and I sure need to get laid. I can't wait to move away. I can't wait till I'm not surrounded by moronic adults, and hot people that aren't willing to go for it.

'You've got one foot in the grave. It's the promise that you couldn't keep. And all the days you should've stayed asleep, boy. But you've got no regrets. As heaven knows the sun always sets. Oh, all the various sorrows. I can see today, but not tomorrow. I only want to sleep by your side, and stay there until the end of time. Nothing's ever gonna be all right.' ----'One Foot In The Grave' by Black Cat Music