I've been having a difficult time updating lately, because we don't have Interweb capabilities yet. But I will be back to writing soon. Scotty and I were back to San Francisco yesterday and the day before. We went to Popscene with Zach. I love Scott. I really do. It's scary. We fought a little bit over little things. I have this kind of strange disconnected fear that he may be thinking about dumping me. But it's not true. NOt true. not truetruetrue ture false. Damnit. I love him and he loves me. Good. I am not really worried, but the fear, no more paranoia than anything, that sort of paralyzed me for years strikes at odd moments in my life, and I don't fucking like it. But things really are going well for me, and for our relationship. Now if only he wanted sex as often as I do. Then our relationship would be perfect. Ha!

This week has been nuts. I don't have television at my house, so I haven't watched the news reports since Tuesday, but it's nuts. I feel evil. I wish, in a sick, voyeuristic sense, that I had stayed in New York, so that I could photograph the scene. But more than anything I am glad that Laura is safe, and I am safe, and my friends are alive and safe. I have decided that I like radio reporting much better than I like television newscasters. Seriously, it is so much more accurate, thoughtful, exciting, interesting reporting. Not the bullshit the networks spout. This 'no TV in the house' thing is so nice. I have been reading books every day. I have been doing many more productive things. I haven't even thought about TV much since I got here. It's great. I guess I'll have to find somewhere to watch X-Files when the new season starts (even though the show sucks so badly now, but it's hard to give up a 7 year habit.)

I am applying for jobs right now. I am filling out my first application in 4 years. I am qualified to work in this photo lab. But it probably won't pay particularly well. I can be a scab at Safeway and be demeaned and bored, but get paid extremely well to do mindless tasks. I cannot do manual labor because I have two huge cuts in my left hand from stripping wire with scissors and cutting into my middle finger way too deeply to explain, and a broken right hand. I am turning in the applications for both of those other jobs today or tomorrow. Good morning. Is it still morning?

I am glad I am still a kid. But do I care? I think I care a lot more than I should.