I don't give the people I hate enough credit. I let my jaded attitude get in the way too much and I start looking for contradictions, reasons that fit my preconceived notions. It's sick, but I generally find it's true. At least, I convince myself that my opinions are true. They are assholes. He is a conceited prick. He (the other one) is obsessed with his image and that's it. He did fuck me over. He will continue to fuck me over. Whatever. I'm so full of shit. They are assholes though.

I can't wait to got o London. We have a few things on our agenda, but mostly we don't have any clue what we are going to be doing once we get there. What we know we want:

Piere Cardin underwear (for Scott, the underwear label whore)

Lonsdale sweatshirt (for me, and my skinhead friends)

Go to some cool nightclubs

Fuck like bunnies

See some rockin' museums

Fuck like bunnies some more

Take lots of pictures with Steele (my Hasselblad)

Look for cheaper camera equipment than I can find in the States.

Fuck like bunnies even more!

That's the list so far, and I'm sticking to it! Sounds like fun to me. I want to explore and shoot film and have fun and fuck. I'm excited. We leave on Monday or maybe Tuesday, and it's going to rock some socks off. We'll make it. I've been thinking a lot about my friends lately. I keep thinking about all the people that used to call me 'friend.' I think about if I've ever done that too. I'm sure I have. But I really value honesty. I hope I am honest. I don't want to lie to myself. I think about those 'friends' all the time and I hate them. I hate myself sometimes too.

I love you.

'I am jet black, stone cold, jet black to the center. Funny like a funeral. I need you to bury me, eternally.' ----'Jet Black' by Jawbreaker (I really do feel like that sometimes.)