Last night my stomach was doing somersaults from a reasonably scathing e-mail I recieved from a kid I thought I used to know. I ended up coming home from Scott's at 2:30 a.m. because I couldn't sleep and I felt sick and I didn't want to keep him up. I ate something, and immediately felt better. I am so comfortable with the situation, and it sounds like this kid isn't. I think he's been getting the kind of stuff I say to, and about, him from a lot of people lately. I think he needs it. I know he does. I fucked up our relationship a lot, but I am comfortable with how I acted, with how I was honest. I'm not angry. He can't hurt me any more. It's over, at least for me. And I'm excited about that. And anyway, no matter how hard he tries, it would be dificult to hurt me any more than he did for so long.

Laura left for Disneyland today, on her family's yearly vacation there. I miss her already, and she hasn't even been gone for a full day. But she'll be back for the Green Day show on Sunday (yeah, I love them, so go fuck off if you think it isn't punk rock. I don't much care about your fucking punk points, Green Day rock.) I remember the last time I saw them was in a house on Waller St. recording their video that my brother was in for their last single. I heard that fucking song 'Warning' probably 100 times that day in that cramped apartment. But it was fun anyway. And Toby may be able to get me backstage passes for Sunday because of that! He'll get me tickets at any rate.

I'm looking forward to London. I'm scared. I don't want to move to New York. I don't want to leave Scotty. I just met him a month ago, but I already don't want to leave him. And we've been avoiding talking about it, but I keep getting all these reminders in the mail. I got my roommates name and number today while Scotty and I were eating dinner with my Mom. I know I want to stay together. We're going to have to talk about it soon. One more month, less actually, then I'm gone. I don't know what to do. Open relationships are bullshit. I really don't want to break up, though. And I've never had a long distance relationship before. I don't even know if he's willing to commit that much to me. I know I'm willing. I hope London cements that into both of our minds. We'll have fun, I know that. I know that I'm enjoying the time we have. I KNOW that.