What the fuck am I doing? In general, I mean. I don't really have anything motivating me right now. I want to print photos all the time. That kind of motivates me. But I need some people to motivate me. I feel like I'm slowly cutting limbs away from my tree. Bad analogy, I know. But Chris got cut off on Saturday. I feel like Caitlin's slipping off. She's being so fucking flaky about everything. It drives me crazy. She is incapable of doing anything with me on time. This didn't used to happen. It sure does now. Max ignores me. Nick has his skinhead friends now (not nazis, not all skins are bad, these guys are good), and doesn't call me very much. We're still close and all, but it's not the every day friendship we had for years. Laura is still here, and we see each other almost every day. That's nice, but she has her other friends who she sees regularly too. I don't really. Apphia moved to New York for the summer, along with Melinda. I spend way too much time in front of this damn computer now. I think, if Caitlin flakes on me again today, I'm going to go to a movie. I like going to movies alone. It's depressing, but fun too. Maybe I'll sneak some beer in with me. That's always fun too. But drinking alone is also depressing. Hmm, interesting. Whatever. I'm not depressed, I just put on this depressing front. It's such complete fucking bullshit. There are things I'd like. There are things that turn me on. I don't have too many of these things right now. Not any of the intangible ones anyway. You know, friendship, love, people (that are in my fantasies, but I want them where I can actually touch them, so I guess this is tangible). Where the fuck am I going? What do I need to do in the next month and a half? Here's a list of my goals:Live
Fun
People?
Make out with someone
More art
Get out of town alone again
Tell more people that I hate them.
That's good. I'm done now. Hopefully I will make my zine on Saturday at Lauren's house. She's starting a Zine Cafe, because she has a copy machine at her house.
'Jagged words are all I've heard, spitting shards of vitriol. Jagged thoughts are all I've got, shredding my soul.' ----'Shrapnel' by American Steel