Long week. Lots of family. Lots of fucked up shit. I can't figure out who my friends are and who isn't. I've got a lot of friends that are junkies that I can't hang out with for long without wanting junk. I dunno. It's hard. Gear is so fucked up. It's so insidious that I can't afford to even fuck around. Last night I took two dalmanes and went out to the gay bars in my neighborhood. I had two drinks, and damn does that mix fuck me up. I feel bad, I guess, but not too bad. I had a good time, and I'm not going to do it again, so who gives a fuck. And I didn't do the dope like I was gonna. I almost did yesterday. I was within 30 seconds of getting some and I turned around and walked home and called the thirty people I thought of to help me and none of them were home but I still didn't use, so FUCK YEAH. I feel good. I feel crazy too. I'm relying on people I don't know too well, and I don't feel like dealing with the people I am close to. I don't want to get lectured right now, and that's all anyone seems to want tot do, so I try ot be sort of reclusive. I'm thinking of writing a book. I've been reading a lot, and I think I can do it. I'm going to start with a short story, maybe see how it turns out. We'll see. Life is turning around.... and around and around and arounda gain, and I don't know where to stop it. I like it here. Most of the time. I'm crazy most of the time. But I'm doing well. So fuck off if you want to criticize me, I don't have time for you. OR at least I don't want to believe you. Even though you are right. I'm so confused. I'm happy almost always, but then right now I'm not. And the no one ever calls me back motherfuckers. So fuck em all.I'm a big boy.
'Everybody's got something to hide except for me and my monkey. You're inside is out when your outside is in.' ----'Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me and My Monkey' by The Beatles