JT has been writing me back. We've been trading e-mail, and he is one of the most supportive people to hear from at this point.

So fuck it. My folks are in town this weekend, I'm getting help for this finger biting nervous anxiety, and I think I got an A- on my calculus midterm, maybe a B+. I have a test in Czech on Monday, and I'm scared, but fucke m all. I'm going to kick ass this week. I'm finally getting on top of my shit, and it feels good, if not a little hard.

I've been taking an honest look at my relationship with Scott, and the way it is now and the way I want it to be in the future. It's been heartwrenching, really, but productive nonetheless. I'm scared of wanting what we had. He put it this way, "I think of our relationship as something great that was." But, basically, it's in the past. I want more than anything for him to visit, but I know if he did now, I'd probably expect him or at least want him to get it on, and at this point I know that that isn't a healthy option for me. Who knows about the future, but, as contradictory as it may sound, I don't think it's a good idea for me to fuck him until I'm over him. And I'm not sure I'm there yet. No, that's a lie, I know I'm not ready for that yet. Dig?

The Remeron just hit, time to sleep, and enjoy the company of my whole family here to visit me this week! Rock the fuck on, just don't get too anxious about it.

This is the question I am trying to answer: