i spent the day in bed. i didn't go to class. i have one more tonight, at 6:20, and I'm going to that one. I have to. I have to.

I sound like such the typical youth. "oh I'm so fucked up. I'm so depressed. Feel sorry for me" I don't want that at all. I do think I am really depressed. I don't know what to do about it. At all. There are so many kids I know that have so much better reasons. I'm just a junkie that's clean. And I'm a punk who doesn't. And I'm not excited about anything anymore. Jaded, I think would be the word for that anymore.

Only that's bullshit. Hella shit excites me. Skyscrapers with Dexter. Dexter himself, shit! Calculus except right now because my teachers are nuts. Masturbation. Fuck man, there's shit I'm excited about. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, them excite me.

This is payback. It's all payback. For years of numbing myself to death. Now I'm off the dope and it's all bullshit. It all sucks. Except for a few things. Those things, those things I need to focus on.