i did get nice pictures of Dexter in the mail today. Pictures from Seattle. I was so fucking happy. I think he was too. I like that. He looks so cold in his Cal Poly sweatshirt and he's waiting for a bus and he's on the Space Needle and he's trying not to smile and I'm getting a fucking hardon.

M thinks I'm on heroin. Funny, my cousin thought so too. They all think I'm junked up. And when people think it, there ain't shit you can say to convince them otherwise. I took psych drugs for one day for anxiety, slurred my speach, fucked me up. Cousin thought I was on something stronger. Maybe she talked to M, but I don't think so. M calls me like 3 times a day. I didn't call back for like three days, she yells at me that she won't pay for my college because I'm on heroin. I'm clean. I promised Dexter I wouldn't shoot dope. I fucking haven't. And I won't. I'm really depressed.

I'm gonna go jerk off thinking about my boyfriend. Go fuck yourself.