I talked to Scott for a while last night, and he made me feel stupid for getting a tattoo. But fuck him. We broke up so he has no right to make me feel guilty. I love my tattoo. I'm trying to remember what a bass clef looks like, and if it looks the same as what I got. The confusion wouldn't bother me, I just want to know. Maybe I'll look it up. But fuck that, I love it. It's big. A lot bigger than I thought I would get it, but I wanted it this big. I just can't wait for the hair to grow back where it's supposed to. They shave the hair on your arm where you get it done, and it comes back, but it looks a little wierd. Only, that's not how you spell weird. That is. Oh well.

Said I'm not just anyone! I'm not just anyone! Sonic reducer ain't no loser! That's what I'm listening to now and I feel a lot more in touch with it. Shit this is boring.

The pain is good. It makes me feel alive. It hurts a lot sometimes. Especially in the shower. But it feels real, and that's new. It feels good to hurt. Same goes for my feelings about Scotty. It's okay to miss him, just don't get too caught up in it. Move on. I've been doing a pretty good job of that. He enters my thoughts occasionally, but it is as of a thing of the past. Not the present, and that's cool. I'd love it if he'd come visit me, but that's mostly because I don't have too many friends out here, and it would be nice to have someone who I don't have to pretend for. Because I think I know him well enough to be me. That's tough. Because I don't like me very much most of the time. No, that's a lie. I like me, I just want everyone else to like me too, and they don't. But that's cool too. I'm just running in circles.

I'm meeting some dude today from the internet, and I'm slightly worried. I guess people do it all the time, but I think the last time I did it was in middle school, and I was meeting a 13 year old who was also gay, and we were sucking each other off within half an hour. And he had a 29 year old boyfriend who I had a threesome with. That's why I don't meet people from the internet anymore. Self-proclaimed pedophiles aren't my cup of tea. They weren't then, either, but I was a confused little boy. You know how it is. But I'm going to try today, and we'll see how it goes. I don't even want a lover, I'm just trying to meet friends. It's harder to do than one would think. I suppose I could use some of the opportunities my school provides, but I'm lazy. Really fucking lazy. Good morning!