I've been thinking lately about things, and I know that I am a hopeless romantic. To quote Frank in a letter he wrote me a few days ago: I take sentiment before and above anything else. I think the meaning behind action is so much more important than what is actually done. I don't know if that makes too much sense written down, but it means a lot to me. I like knowing that what someone says or does is for a good reason. The reason matters more than anything anybody could possibly do. Even if it is something that hurts me, if it's done with good intentions, or if it's done with honest intentions, or with bad intentions that I relate to or appreciate, I can love the person for it. I love so many people that hate or hurt me. This is much more than a sex or relationship thing. It's all about friendship and honesty, and being good to people who I look up to and who look up to me, and who are good to me, and who aren't even good to me. My blood sugar is low, and I know I'm rambling with bad grammar, but I don't care. I am so happy right now. I've had two phone calls that made my night. I talked to Apphia and I am going to go see Jets To Brazil in Santa Cruz next Sunday with her. And I talked to Chris, and although he says he can't go with me to the JTB show, he was honest about it, and he talked to me about some other things, and I love him for it. It made me so fucking happy to talk to the two of them. My mood has flipped 180 degrees in the span of two ten minute conversations. Hopeless romantic or not, I'm happy tonight more than I have been at all today. Oh yeah, and I saw Michael, whom I used to have a huge crush on, and still do to some extent, even if he doesn't like me like that. I love the kid, and envy him for all the things he's been doing lately. I want to go cross country by train and car just to see things, see people in places I've never laid eyes on. DIY I supose it is. Anyway, I'm going to promise to work on honesty: I smoked a cigarette last night. No excuses, I was trashed and made a bad decision. Oh well, I'm not going to do it again. So fuck off!