Well, I'm sitting on the corner waiting for the bus. I've been here half an hour at one of the busiest corners in the city, but still no bus. That's Muni for ya! I did some community outreach for Stop Aids, but it was in the Castro. I hate the Castro. I can't deal with those guys in leather with the pecs that stick out about three feet. I have problems with people dressing 'gay.' I suppose it's an identity, an image, like any other. Bu to me it should just be an orientation, not an expression.

Alex was here; he's big into outreach. He looked as good as ever, with his corduroy pants (the only guy that ever looked good in corduroys), black polo shirt over white t-shirt and cute western belt. It's pathetic, but he really was the only reason I came at all. He ignored me as always, but I don't mind. I came expecting it. Maybe I just like to punish myself. We handed out condoms and Alex and I surveyed people about their sex lives. Alex did say goodbye to me, which is the most personal he's ever been before. Other than that we just talked about stupid things, and about the survey. He is an asshole, but he's hot as all hell. Actually, I don't really know if he's a jerk; I just say that to make myself feel better about being ignored by a guy I adore. I just wish he liked me more, in any way. No, that's not even it. I just wish he knew I existed. Oh well, story of my life sometimes.

I took some disturbing photographs today. I busted out with my brother's pellet gun and took a few self-portraits. Just clich�d angsty teenager pictures, nothing too bad. I don't know if I'll actually print them. I'm shirtless in the shots, and I think they may look sort of conceited. If they are good, maybe I'll display them, but I do worry about how people will see them. No, I worry about how they will see ME. I'm self-conscious in the extreme. I want to be able to be me without worrying, but I can't. I don't know if this is that strange, but I hope it's not just me.

Uh oh, the bus is here, I have to go....

'I can't be myself when I'm alone. I think stupid things when left on my own. I need somebody to be around, someone to play up to to fool about. I need sumebody to pick me up. I need a reminder for this big hiccup. I need somebody, oh anybody. I need somebody. You know that it's you. I think of when there's no one around. I can't understand why I've ever been down. I need somebody to take me home, to the world I once knew was fun on it's own. I need somebody to see a smile, no, things will get better after a while. I need somebody, oh anybody.' ----'I Need Somebody' by Ash