well it's been a long time since i've written and a very interesting day today. interesting and sad. my lizard, godzilla, whom i've had for seven and a half years died today. i knew he was sick, not eating and shit, but he's done that before. he's never fucking died before. now he is dead. i was playing with him yesterday. i gave him a bath and clipped his toenails and kissed him a bunch of times, and i took a photo of him too. i'm fucking glad i did. i don't have any other photos of him, and i wish i'd taken more time and care with the one i took, because i sort of guessed on exposure and flash distance and shit, and now he's dead. mom was going to throw him away, but i wouldn't let her. i wish i was still in berkeley. toby is going to bury him in the back yard, and we're going to plant a plant over him. i'm pretty sad about this. i feel like it's sort of my karmic retribution for moving out and leaving him. it's sad. at least i got to have a good time with him yesterday, and hopefully hopefully hopefull hopefully this picture will come out. i'm really hoping. i need it to. i really need it too. i liked godzilla. i was the only one he was super nice to too. i was the only one that knew how to hold him and take care of him. and now he's dead. i didn't always show it, but i really cared for him. i really did. i don't know if he died of old age, or if he died of sickness. i just don't know. it's sad. i miss godzilla. this one's for you, baby monster. i love you.'Expect the best, accept the worst.' ----'Chemistry' by Jawbreaker