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All Or Nothing

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[2001-08-21]-[7:06 p.m.]

I have packed: stereo, speakers, linens and bedding, a few clothes, Hasselblad equipment in it's own case with foam inside. I need to pack: cds, clothes, computer, books, posters, photos and decorations for room (I might not bring these decoratory things, though). The computer is going in AS SOON as I finish this. Then it's just clothes and cds and things. I'm almost ready to leave. I really am. This is scary. I've been drinking too much the last few days. This packing and moving this is sort of freaking me out. But it's cool. I'm together. I'm feeling a bit like my friends aren't very here for me right now, but that's just because most of them are either figuring out their own problems or are moving to New York and will just see me there. But it's still sort of disappointing. Laura won't see me when I'm around Scotty because we are too 'cute.' We are, and it is gross, but it's not like we are fucking in the corner. We just give each other a peck every once in a while and hold hands a lot. But I think she's jealous or some shit.

Scotty and I had the conversation today. We are going to stay together. Or at least, we're going to try. This excites me. It scares the shit out of me, too. But I want it. I know I do. I know he does too, even if he doesn't show it as obviously as I do. We know it's going to be fucking hard, but we're both willing to try anyway. I'm so happy. It's relieving to have had the 'talk' and it was really easy and pretty quick too. There wasn't any argument about it. We both thought the exact same things, it seems. FUCK YEAH!

I may not be able to write to you, Interweb Diary, until New York on Sunday. I'll write to you, Paperbookrealwordsnotfuckingcomputerelectronicbullshit Diary until I can come back to Interwebbing.

I am halfsharkalligatorhalfman right now. Nothings right. I'm totally confused. I felt completely out of it today. I felt nuts. I'm feeling better now. That's good, I think.

'Earth people, New York and California. Earth people, I was born on Jupiter.' ----'Earth People' by Dr. Octagon

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