I saw some kids at school today, but I couldn't even bring myself to get excited about talking to Daniel, or Shannon. Although, she did accept my plea to go to prom with me. I should be excited about that, but I'm not really, at least not today. I want to shag her, and I think she's super nice, and she's from Texas and that rocks. I think she may like me, but she has a boyfriend, or at least she's been with him on and off for almost all of the four years that I've known her. Doesn't matter a whole lot to me, it's all basically idle dreams. But dreams aren't too bad. I've been dreaming about moving to Switzerland. I want to leave here. I love the Bay Area, but I'm ready to move on. I will ALWAYS call Berkeley home, but I'm ready to take a sojourn, a respite in a place where I literally don't know a fucking person. Maybe go to Basel or Zurich for a year, get a job, and learn some German. It would be fun, and there's a bunch of cool bands in Switzerland. When I went to visit with Nick over Christmas I really fell in love with the country. I almost got arrested in Basel for taking some pictures of riot cops, and because I'm American, but other than that, I found the government to be extremely relaxed about most dumb laws we have here. I've also been dreaming about going away, a year abroad for my Junior year of college. The school I'm going to sponsors exchange programs, and I either want to go to Switzerland or to Australia. There are a lot of hot guys in Australia, or at least the two guys I've known from there are totally hot. They're both blond, well built in a skinny whiteboy kind of way, and I want to fuck them both incredibly badly. This one kid, I've had a crush on him literally for four years and I've still never really talked to him. He's a fucking jerk, but he's one of the only people with whom I am capable of divorcing looks and personality and falling for just one of them. Normally with me, the two are intrinsically linked. I'm over Alex though, I don't stare at his body anymore, but I still want him. It's funny, he's one of the only kids at school that's near my grade level (he's a year below me) that I've actually never had a class with. Maybe that's why I can like him just for his looks, because I don't really know who he is.

I went to Frank's last night, but hey I don't really want to write about that. I had a good time, he made me feel really good about being me, but I don't have any feelings about it now, so fuck it. He's meeting me at Popscene tomorrow, and we're going to have fun. I'm making a commitment to myself to dance with at least one cute guy, and to meet at least one new kid while I'm there.

I've been thinking about things lately, and I'm content. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed either. All my needs are met, though I still want a whole lot of things I will most likely never have. I love Berkeley, and I've been thinking a lot about my past, so here's two by a Berkeley band that mean a lot to me:

'Some grow up and some grow old, but what about the kid who never learned the rules? Spent all these years on this earth, when you look back it's just a flicker of time. Jackyl was one of the one's that perished; he was one of the ones that was already saved. Through all this evil and wreckage he maintained a sense of himself.' ----'Daly City Train' by Rancid