In other weird shit, one of the guys who I got with before Scott came to visit, whom I haven't talked to in at least a month called me today and wants to get together tomorrow. I want to, though I don't think I want to get with him, but I don't know yet. We'll see. I can't jump into any relationsips right now. Life throws me for a loop every fucking day now. And it don't phase me one bit. I mean, I could use a Valium every once in a while, but you know, who couldn't. I'm feeling slightly nuts.

This week has rocked. I feel amazing, and I've discovered a few people to have crushes on. That's nice. Though I refuse to get back in a high school situation where I was when I would have crushes and never tell him and get sad all the fucking time.

Oh yeah, and Max might come to visit this weekend. I doubt he actually will, but you never know. Nope, he IMed me, said nope. Oh well.

I've been meaning to write about my dreams lately. I haven't been sleeping well, despite the sleeping pills. I wake up early and roll around in a dream state for many hours in the early mornings. This morning I was dreaming about being in a far off place with Scott. It was muddy, and we were wading across a mud river in the rain and going to the airport where we were using his flight-attendant mother's buddy passes to try to get to Moscow, but somehow things weren't going well. But then we were topless, and I consciously, even though I was dreaming, decided to wake up and jerk off. Which I did. But similarly wierd dreams have been happening at the same time each morning. And it's weird because I don't usually dream. And I certainly don't dream while I'm awake. I think it might have to do with the scripts I'm taking. I don't know though.

I do know that I have been jerking off too much. I can't help it, and I guess I don't have any person to save my libido for. So fuck it.

The sun is shining, everything else is incidental. ----I think that is going to be my eternal motto, ethos and life-plan.

I miss California so much. I miss Berkeley. I am jealous of all the fucks that get to be in Berkeley for their whole fucking life. It's an amazing place. And the sun is so different there. So different. Softer. Better.