i got ketones in my urine today from not eating. i just wasn't hungry. i felt like shit. i think i'm getting sick. i felt like puking a couple times. i went to the hospital, well the NYU version of a hospital, and they took some blood, some piss, told me to eat something, and hopefully i won't die of ketoacidosis. i won't. but still, i feel pretty awful physically. i tried to get codeine out of the doctor. she wouldn't give it out. she said take some aspirin, take some xanax and go to sleep. AND EAT SOMETHING.

I forced myself to eat half a bagel and some mango.

I want Dexter to fucking work out. I want him to be happy so much more than I even want me to be happy. I want to be his perfect boyfriend, and I don't want to fail. This is how it is. I want to be perfect. To him. I want to be perfect for him. I think I might be. I just want him to think so too. I hope so.

Wow, I feel dazed. My whole body hurts. I hate waiting in Urgent Care facilities. Takes fucking forever for them to tell you you're an idiot and eat something and then stick you and give you a cup and tell you to take some anti-biotics which I probably won't take because I don't want to pay for the script, and I'm not sure I got bacteria.

I miss D.

I really really really want to make him happy.