Dexter and I have hardly been talking. Caitlin had a St. Patrick's day party and asked Laura to make sure I didn't come. And my one other friend, Laura, my wife, moved to Boston to start her job in economic consulting. I am lonely, but I don't think that matters anymore. I am more comfortable being myself, and my depression rarely gets to the point of suicidal ideation. Anxiety has been going better, though I really need to get back on Xanax, since it works and doesn't last nearly as long as Valium. I'll take the Vs at night, but right now I take em as needed during the day, and Xanax works so much better. I know, I've had experience.

So, despite the thumb grinding incedent and all my friends not wanting to hear from me, I'm doing just dandy. I have moments when I'm normal, even happy. So that's better than before. I think I can handle myself a lot better. I hope so.

How can I do well and be satisfied with a boyfriend if I'm never satisfied with and think so lowly of myself? I can't, so I've been working hard at the therapy and medication management.

Oh, and I'm going to Ozzfest tomorrow. This Austrian 16 year old is staying with us, and he's into metal, so I'm taking him. He's funny. I like showing him around and talking to him about America and Austria. He is much more open minded than I expected, and he says that I have taught him that Americans can be open-minded too. That's flattering, I think, and I never think I'm successful.

Anyway, it is 3AM, and I should hit the sack.