I don't sleep last night. Not really. Nor did I wake. I did prevent D from sleeping restfully. I made it 36 hours without taking any morphine. Then I went to the doctor and she gave me 30 4mg hydromorphone (Diluadid) pills, 20 MS Contin (morphine) pills, some Sonata, a previously unheard of to me sleeping pill, that supposedly rivals Restoril and Dalmane in it's efficacy. My future as a non-walking-pharmacy may actually be in sight, but not anytime in relative proximity. Enough with drugs, almost.... If these Sonorous pills don't sing to me I'm going to likely be taking Seconals. This is a combination of drugs that Elvis and assorted others died taking, only they all wre taking them for fun. Fuck that. This stuff isn't to be messed about with.

Neither is Dexter. He is a badass. He's been amazing and incredible, and incredibly frustrating. I forget sometimes, that he is his age. It isn't a large gap between us, but it is a gap. He has put me through some trials and tribulations, and I have come to the firm conclusion that I am in love with him. He hit me hard today by saying that I always say that we are going to get married and he will never marry me, and he hates it when I say shit like that (which I avoid like the plague anyway.) Well, not like the plague, but like a plague I would love to encounter. Ha. Ha. I'm in love with him, though he tries me in many ways daily.

I really don't have shit to say today. I sort of wanted to use. I watched Drugstore Cowboy, and I saw Bob, and I looked in my bag and I saw the bottles in my bag and i wanted it.