Enough literature. Talk about something personal: I feel crazy. I haven't talked to Scott since we blew up a few nights ago. Implosion. I mean, I've been tempted to call, but I don't know if I should. I don't even think I should be thinking about it. He's certainly not, or at least I really doubt it. He says he's feeling a little at odds with the world, at least that's how I feel and he said he feels abandoned a bit too. It was odd to hear. I don't know if he used that word, but that's what I took from it. I didn't expect to hear anything like that. It's one sentence out of a million that I'm plucking out of an intense conversation, but still, that one sentence makes me think too much. A million other ones do too, but I'm not going to write them here.

I don't want to be ignored now though.

Even if that is how I will eventually feel better. I don't want to eventually feel better. I want everything to work itself out now and for me to feel human. I feel monster-ish lately, and Scott is only a little piece of that, but it adds up.

' You fell down, of course, and then you got up, of course, and started over. Forgot my name, of course, then you started to remember. Pretty tough to think about the beginning of December. Pretty tough to think about.' ----'The Same Boy You've Always Known' by The White Stripes