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All Or Nothing

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[2001-11-21]-[11:44 a.m.]

I am going to keep this short, even though I haven't been writing much lately. I am going home to Berkeley for Thanksgiving today. I am excited. It was my 19th birthday yesterday, and it was a good one. I remained pretty low-key about it. But Scotty got Nick and Frank to surprise me at a dinner we had planned with Apphia and Scotty and I. I was happily shocked. It was nice. And Scotty gave me Gucci underwear (oooooh!). I am feeling more content than usual lately. I've been working hard. And writing hard on real paper, through letters and journals and checks (got to pay those bills.) And I started work, and it is hard shit to do. Hard on the body, hard on the feet. But it feels good to have some responsibility and make some money. I had breakfast with Scotty on my birthday yesterday. Then I had work from 10:30 - 5:00. But I got off a bit early and came home. Then I had rehab from 6:00 - 9:00 with a meeting beforehand. Basically it was a busy birthday, but validating nonetheless. Rehab's gonna be a drag. It is "relaps prevention." Whatever. I need it on and off. Yesterday was my first day, and it was interesting, boring, and only slightly usefull. I've been feeling great lately, so it is useless. But I guess I'm only doing it for those times when I'm not doing so hot. It's okay; it's super low-key.

I have a photo show. Well sort of. It's not really a show per se. But I'm putting work up in a caf� on Haight Street in the city next month. That was a nice birthday present, working that out. The place is right by Urban, the high school I went to. So that promises to be interesting. Not all that many people at Urban know that I'm not in NYC. And I think only one or two people know why. Although, with all likelihood, rumours spread quickly. Not that too many people at Urban have any reason to talk about me, but I find that word spreads anyway. But I am excited to display some work, maybe show off a bit. This means I absolutely need to go print some more. I want to have new work to display, and that is going to take some focused, concentrated work on my part. I'm looking forward to it. I can dust off my camera and shoot some film. Well, not dust off, but shoot anyway. I've actually been amassing used rolls of film that I've been slowly but consistently shooting. I just need to decide which to process and which to leave to gather dust. But I have to do this shit quickly! I got a show!

'I don't mind the weather. I've got scarves and caps and sweaters, I've got long john slacks for blustery days.... And the hardest part is yet to come.' ----I have no idea what song this is because I've only heard it live, but it's by Death Cab For Cutie (I saw them a few days ago, and I have no feeling about them, really, except for the fact that I liked this really emo line quite a bit.)

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