At any rate, it was sort of horrifying to read back through all those past entries. I've changed so much, though it seems petty at times. I don't know who I am, and I was so sure I did back then. It's sort of weird.

Today, went to P + M's, to work for mum. I do some bookkeeping for her, and help her with her end of year accounting. She was stressed as hell, and it was difficult to deal with, but everyone has a rough day once in a while. Then I came home and Dexter started ripping into me about being unemployed (though sort of supporting him, partially). I got pretty down about it, but I won't' let it hurt me much. I'm getting better at standing up and looking in the mirror and not hating who I see. I haven't used in a while, and I'm not taking as many psych drugs as before. I'm quitting smoking. I've smoked two days since Jan. 1. I'm making it over the hump on all fronts. I went to see my psychiatrist after that, and talked about suicide and tapering down the valium, as well as switching my methadone script over to her in a few months. She says the fact that I've been on 80mg for this length of time is good for that, and we'll do it in March.

I went back to a few places I've applied and reminded them that I'm still looking, without many results.

Now I'm home, and I'm gonna read alone tonight, maybe enjoy the solitude for a change. (Usually I am just waiting for Dexter to get home.)