Been reading a lot of sci-fi - now, this might surprise you to find out (if you know me) that I read science fiction, but I do. It's an old habit that dies hard. Anyway, I only read one or two authors, and I've been reading the new Ender's Game books. I sort of fell in love with an idea that was spawned by it's author: a Speaker For The Dead. This person, after one dies, will tell the important parts of the dead man's life. He will not embelish, will not hide embaressments or faults, nor accomplishments or values. He tells the important bits, and in doing so, weaves the fibrous strands of information into a rope that explains... explains... the man's life, motivations, etc. I suppose. He makes the links that no one had the information to make. He explains, say one's ludicrous sense of need to make money for one's family, or one's undying altruism or heroism or greed. He tells the story, as a Speaker for the Dead. I want this when I die. For someone third party to research everything, and explain all the things I could never explain - even to myself. I fell in love with this idea written by Orson Scott Card. I like the idea of all the truths of my life to be spelled out, intricatelly placed in the web of my life. It made me realize one of the biggest reasons I take photos. My house burned down when I was nine years old. We had very little time to escape, and saved very little. One of the biggest things we later learned we should have saved was our family photos. You know, all those snapshots of childhood accomplishments, parents' wedding, births, all those photos in albums you rarely if ever look at. We lost all those, and as a result, I have almost no photographs of myself as a child. Unconciously, that is why I take Polaroids of my friends, of my family, that I will likely look at every decade, if even that. I have none of those to document my childhood, and it makes me sad when I think of it. I don't really know what I looked like as a baby. I don't know what I looked like in many of those pre-teen transformations that seem so important when you are living them, but forget within a few months. I take pictures of my friends that I will never print, rarely look at, in part, for this reason. This is one of the connections that a Speaker would tell, in these books. I know the reality is unlikely to be feasable, but the idea is beautiful. And I want a Speaker to speak for me when I die. Whether it is from my expected cause of death - diabetes complication: heart disease, kidney failure, neuropathy resultind in amputations, blindness - or if I get struck by lightning crossing the street tomorrow. I want those connections made, with no excuses. I want my family to understand my story. Pain, and the unconscionable pain I have caused through years of lies and drug addiction. I want them to understand me.And looking back through all the entries I just made public once again just drives this spike of an idea into the root of my mind. Maybe this is too many metaphors, my writing is not exceptional. But at any rate, this only makes it more imperative for me. If anyone can do it, I encourage you to. Use this as your reason, and explain why by reading Ender's Game, The Speaker For The Dead, First Meetings, Ender's Shadow, Shadow of the Hegemon, Xenocide, and all of Orson Scott Card's 'Ender' books. All the explanation, and reason, is contained within.
It's really a beautiful idea. And a painful one. I will be dead, but many of the important connections will be hard for my family to take, my friends.
'Stumble Then Rise On Some Awkward Morning' on 'He Has Left Us Alone But Shafts Of Light Sometimes Grace Our Room' by A Silver Mt. Zion