I want to go to London really badly. I hope we can afford to go for a week or two. I think we can manage it.

I finally did it. I wasn't too safe about it, but I'm not worried. I should be, but I'm not. I'm not worried about much lately. I do think I'm going to stop drinking until I go to London. I've been drinking a lot lately and I haven't been feeling so hot physically. I've had a hard time eating. I get really hungry, eat half a meal and then feel sort of vomity (to use a Catcher In The Rye term). I haven't made it through too many full meals in the last few weeks. I'm not sure if it has to do with drinking, but I doubt alcohol helps (if it's not the cause itself). So I'm going to go completely sober at least for a week or two and see how I feel. I've been drinking a lot lately, at least regularly. I don't want to do that to myself. I want to go see some bands and and sing along and drag him with me and then take him home with me afterwards. That's all I want. And I got it. Finally.

I'm not too subtle. I like to try to be up front about shit. Subtlety isn't my strong point. I try to be honest, and for me the two are mutually exclusive. I have a hard time doing both. I want to tell all the motherfuckers what I think or not say anything at all. I don't want to lie and drop hints. Dropping hints has never worked for me. I've tried. And I read into subtlety too much. I see hidden meaning in bullshit that wasn't meant. I hate that so I just say 'fuck it' and say what I mean and mean what I say. Fuck being subtle. And to all those kids that call me 'friend' but don't mean it: don't fucking lie to me.

I'm having a great day. I know it doesn't sound like it. I think I'm smitten. No one wants to hear it. It's disgusting, gross, weird, icky even. But it's true.