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All Or Nothing

[Information]

[2001-06-21]-[2:02 p.m.]

I worked last night from 4:00 - 9:00 p.m. I worked this morning from 4:00 - 9:00 a.m. I am dead. I am the living dead. The solar eclipse in Africa, Zambia to be specific, was awesome. We had live video feed with NASA and with Paul, who was in Zambia for the museum, and we had a huge projector set up in the middle of the museum. It was fun. Way too early though. I haven't woken up for a sunrise in a long time. I got to go up on the roof of the museum at about 7:00 to open up the skylights this morning, which was so cool. I had to climb up this huge ladder up to the roof, and then I could look out at the Palace of Fine Arts from an angle that not too many people get to see. It was scary, but fun.

I realized that I see only what I want to see. That sucks. I get so many really obvious fucking bombshell hints, and I still only see what I want. It'll work itself out. I just hate misleading myself all the time. I am silly.

It's strange coming home from work in the morning rush hour. That's odd. Seeing all these people in their suits getting ready for the day and I look like complete shit, exhausted, drained, ugly. I drove the opposite commute. It was nice, a change of pace. I went to sleep this morning when I got home, and I just woke up. I feel like it's Friday, my sense of time is really fucked today.

I want a lot of things I can't have. Why can't I learn what's possible, and what's not? Why do the lines have to be so damn blurry? I wish I could get glasses for my internal vision. You know, like glasses that could straighten out my thoughts about everything.

'Well I'm stuck here between hope and frustration. I keep getting thrown from side to side. It's a familiar situation, my whole life's a roller coaster ride.' ----'Rollercoaster' by Bombshell Rocks

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