God, I'm so lonely. I'm so fucking tired all the time. I don't ever think I'm happy. Just all right. Sometimes it doesn't matter. I decided I should stop smoking pot. I think it gives me panic attacks. Makes me paranoid. Marinol doesn't do that to me. But all this is unimportant. I want to change things around in my life. Get my priorities in line. I want to place less importance on relationships; I think I'm just making myself unhappy. And I want to put more importance on school and work. And photo. I don't want to be alone, but I'm not going to sacrifice everything for anyone but myself. That might sound self-centered, and maybe it is. But I think it's important for me. If anything, this thing with Dexter is just showing me how alone I feel. I miss him. But I also miss having someone, anyone, to help me out. He's still here for me, but soon he won't be, and even if somehow we manage to get back in some form of a relationship, which is unlikely, if I understand him right, we won't be living together. And that's so much of what I like about being in a relationship, someone I can regularly sleep with. Fuck, I'm lonely. Last night helped me, but it fucked with me. I was so scared.