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All Or Nothing

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[12.03.02]-[5:12 a.m.]

So I surprised myself today by, without provocation, noticing something of the sort that I don't usually. See, I noticed that all the trees either are losing or have lost all their leaves. I was walking down St. Marks, which I hate doing, and I saw a guy sweeping leaves. I looked up, I don't know why, and immediately thought, as I watched the leaves from a half-naked tree fall to the ground, I thought about how the trees get rid of all their coverings when it gets cold and we all bundle up and cover ourselves and hide inside our rooms and don't come out till March or April untill it starts getting warm again. I wondered, as silly as this probably sounds, but in all honesty I really thought this in all seriousness, what would it be like to be a tree? Getting all naked-ass in the winter. Isn't it cold? Doesn't the snow drive it nuts? And I looked at these trees and they all looked so sickly, growing on the side of the road, evenly spaced in this concrete jungle called New York City. I don't usually think in metaphor, or allegory or anything picture related really. And this fucking stuff just entered my head. It's weird. Doesn't that tree want to move? I bet these fucking trees want to move to Hawaii or some shit.

Yeah, so I had a weird day. I went to my classes, did all the normal shit, but everything was weird. First of all, I didn't talk to anyone at all really today. I just kept my headphones on (I started bringing my CD player whenever I go outside. It keeps the ears warm.) I just didn't much feel like small-talking with people before class. They aren't folks that are going to be friends with me, so why fuck about? And then I ended up being pretty rude to my writing professor, who is probably my favorite teacher at the moment. I don't think he minded too much, I just didn't really feel like putting up with any bullshit today, so when he was a little off I basically told him to stop bitching. I hope it doesn't affect his grading this weekend; I really do like him and his class. He was just complaining about publishers, getting his novel refused from Random House, and I just said there's a lot of publishers out there, which is really obvious and not particularly helpful, and he just tells me all sarcastically, "Thanks, Chuck." And I told him he's standing there bitching about getting a five page letter about all the good things about his book, what's the fucking problem with some positive rejection? We didn't dwell on it though.

At any rate, I'm pretty decent today. I haven't murdered anybody, and I haven't even wanted to.

'So what are you gonna do today? Same thing as yesterday.' ----'Imperfection' by This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb

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