M isn't too happy with me. She says it's illegal. It is. I don't care.

I don't know if Scott knows. I don't really care. I'm not going to lie to him. I'm not going out of my way to tell him either. Who cares? I hope he doesn't. But I know he will.

I really don't feel like I've got anything to hide. Dexter is wonderful. He really is pretty amazing to me. I don't really want to think about going back to New York. He makes me feel so good. Just being around him. Just being next to him. He likes me too. That's nice. Most guys don't like me. I'm sort of scary, I think. I like him a lot. It's weird. I'm a little older than him. But it only is weird when other people make it weird. It's never weird when we are together.

I've spent so long running away from everything. I go to NYC and I immediately want to come home. I get home and I want to go to Seattle. I get back and I sort of want to get back to NYC. Only, I don't. I want to be here. And when I get to New York, I'm going to miss Dexter. And maybe Berkeley too. I'm never comfortable. Ever. Wherever I am. I mean, certain people make me comfortable. But so many more folks make me uncomfortable. I ran into too many kids I knew from back in the day at this show tonight. Gravy Train. It was a good show. But Max was there, Mason too. Alex was there. That was strange. Wasn't expecting him. But D was there. And that made everything okay. Everything.

I need to sleep. Laura goes to Spain tomorrow, and I'm supposed to have breakfast with her.

I found out S reads sometimes. I don't like that. I figured he didn't think about me much. But people tell me he likes me. He's even told me that once or twice lately. And I wasn't expecting that. And now I don't even want it anymore. Dexter and I are going out. I like that a lot. I need to sleep. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to be right here.

I'm happy around D. Say what you will. But I'm happy. By the way, AnnLee at MoMA rocks. 'I was bought for 46,000 Yen. 46,000 Yen!' That's the shit. I jacked two books from the store. They are grand. I gave one to D and kept one.