So it's Monday. I feel crazy. I feel good. I can't find a fucking color darkroom that will let me print before my goddamned show at People's Cafe that's coming up. I am feeling very fucked in that department, but hopefully I will work it out. Otherwise, a bunch of people are going to see a bunch of old prints they've seen before. I guess that's not entirely true. I did do a lot of printing this past summer. But still, I got 17 new rolls of film processed into negs a few days ago, and I would love to print some of them.

One other shitty thing happened two nights ago. My computer died. Said I needed to initialize my harddrive. Mikey (bless his soul) came over and fixed it, at least for the time being, but still, I was very very very upset for a night. I went out and bought a 100 GB harddrive which I partitioned and am going to install OS X on one, OS 9.2 on another, MP3s on another, and apps on the other. So when my computer fucks up again, I only have to destroy one partition at a time! Yipee! I know no one cares about this shit, but it really sucked the other day. But needless to say, the $300 I spent on a new HD and the 100 I spent on DVD-RAMs to backup my old HD, I certainly can't afford right now. I sound like such a technical geek, and I'm not really. I pretend I am sometimes. Other times I need to pretend I'm not. What an interesting paradox.

Work starts on Thursday, and I have until then to hang out, enroll in classes, take math placement testing, sleep, fuck Scotty, love Scotty (the two aren't always in the same vein with some people), fix my computer up nice and pretty, shop for my mother's birthday and for christmas presents I also can't afford, and just be content with my life. Then I'll start work and hopefully make some fucking money, money which I badly need. My life is really damn good right now.

I am fucking bonkers.

I saw Max tonight before I came back to Santa Cruz from the Berkeley. And damnit, I love that kid. It's too bad he didn't go for me when I was crushed out. He really missed out. Just kidding. I wonder what it would be like if he had? I love my relationship with Scotty, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But I wonder what it would have been like? I wonder if either of us would be hurt by now? We're are both such sensitive (if I knew how, I would italicize that word) kids. I wonder if I am joking. I don't quote know.

I have been listening to too much abstract music. Music that you wouldn't guess I listen to if you saw me. I have been listening to a lot of Johnny Cash, Nine Inch Nails, Dr. Octagon, The Strokes, The Police, The Sisters Of Mercy, all very goth for a little boy like me.

Go read my essay, please. Max, I love you. I miss you when we don't talk. And good luck on everything coming up. Scotty too, even though he knows it, I love him so damn much. I hate addressing people like this, but you deserve it. I don't deserve you.