I'm scared.

I've always been so good at just leaving. Picking up and leaving everything for something new. Only this time there's nothing new. I'm leaving what's new. I'm leaving D e x t e r. I don't want to. I don't fucking want to go back to that hellhole of a ratrace called New York City. There's nothing waiting for me there. Nothing at all. And the only thing I'm excited about in the world right now I gotta leave. I FUCKING HATE THAT.

I'm scared.

I'm supposed to pick D up after I go look through the artwork at Mills College. Friend's mum is the president. Last time I was there they replaced the Diego Rivera painting they had in their living room with an Ansel Adams print. Needless to say, flipping through the photographs promises to be interesting.

I'm scared.

I really hope Dexter is there when I go to pick him up. It's sort of a drag that he has no phone. I can never get ahold of him. Only on the internet. I HATE THE INTERNET.

I'm scared.

Seeing Scott last night was weird. I don't know what to say to him anymore. I wish I was happier. I'd like to show him this face of confidence and brilliance. And I just can't bring myself to do it. I mean, I am happy. Just not most of the time. Whatever that means.

I'm scared to go back to New York. I really am.

'Everything is a calculation. We're silly echoes who don't make sense. Caught up tight in the dumb things we do. We feel the need to release, the results of reactions that take place within our heads. All the stupid shit you counterfeit and fabricate. Show me anything that's never been done.' ----'Suitable For Framing' by Babyland