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All Or Nothing

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[11.04.02]-[12:27 p.m.]

So I had one fucked night last night. Fucked is the only adjective I can use, and it's not particularly descriptive. Let's just say I wish last night hadn't happened. There are a lot of things I would rather have done than A) Talk to Scott about everything B) Run out of anti-depressants C) Have my folks call twice even though I told them I'd call em back after I finished crying in a fetal position on my bed and D) Find out that my roommate is moving out because I'm annoying in the mornings becasue I'm an insomniac and I get up way too early for her and E) Just the whole fucking night was fucked.

Yeah, I ended up addressing the question of why I give a fuck if Scott is sleeping wiht Max. I came to a sort of circular conclusion. I would be disappointed in myself if he did fuck Max. I would further be disappointed if he lied to me about it. But he says my reactions, the fact that I asked the question, implies that he can't tell me who he's fucking. And that was fucked. It's just a mind game, and I have too much shit on my plate to deal with him pulling shit like that. The whole conversation (interweb IM conversation) just brought up way too many issues for me. I hate talking about 'issues' but it did. I was sort of a wreck by the end of the night.

This entry is boring. I need to go to school. Last entry was more interesting. Write more later.

'I miss the way things used to be, but I know it wasn't always that much fun.' ----'My Friend' by Crimpshrine

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