I wrote a lot yesterday, and accidentally lost it, but I can't remember what it said, really. But I'll write what I'm thinking today instead. I went to Punk Soccer yesterday. I had a decent time. I saw Daniel, and I fucking love him. He's so damn honest, it's amazing. Mike didn't show, and neither did Chad, but I don't care too much. It would have been nice to say 'hi' to them, but I wasn't crushed. Scotty came eventually, and that was nice. We wrestled a bit on the grass (nonsexual) and I did with Daniel too. It's fun. Chris was there too. Laura was right. I feel very little motivation to spare his feelings by being nice. I wasn't mean at soccer, but I'm not going to lie either. I didn't have anything to say to him. He didn't say 'hi,' and I tried, but he didn't hear me I don't think. Either that or he just ignored me. I don't think so though. I'm surprised, someone told me that he still expresses interest in what I think of him. I'm so jaded, I can't honestly believe he gets it. I just keep thinking he wants to know how his ego might be harmed, how his image will get hurt. I can't help it really. It's how he's acted towards me for so long. But I don't really know if it's true and I don't give enough of a fuck to find out from him. Max said he got so removed from me because I hurt his feelings a while ago. I wonder if that's true. I may have. I don't know. I don't think that's why, because he was never an honest enough friend basically from the time we stopped going out. Well, before that really. I may have hurt his feelings, but that's certainly not why we aren't friends, I don't think. And I don't care. I wish he'd realize that being honest isn't just talking about it, it's living it. But it's over. That was likely the last time I will see him before I leave for New York. Maybe (hopefully? I wonder...) the last time ever. It doesn't make me too sad. I've said everything I needed to say. He hasn't really said much, at least not much that I can believe was true, honest.

And I meant what I said about heartbreak yesterday. You have no right. Max was right.

I'm feeling surrounded by people that I know are friends. It's great. I've got Scotty, and we are pretty dependent on each other. It's nice. I know I want to stay together when I move, as tough as that is going to be. I really hope he does too. I think we'll talk about it a lot in London. I think we need to. We've been avoiding the topic. But it's getting close. Caitlin is sick and it's pissing me off. I'm afraid to go near her, because I CAN'T be sick in London. Max was sick too. We hung out yesterday after soccer. Laura, Max, and I just sort of kicked it and I love that kid. Both of them. Max is so quirky, but honest quirkiness, not image enhancing weirdness. It's totally adorable. I think Laura thinks he rocks too. Pop rocks.