I got the fucking place! I'm going to Snata Cruz tonight to have my two month anniversary with Scotty and go sign the lease on the house for the room I'm renting. I'll probably move on Friday! I'm so damn excited. This will be my new home for the next year. Lease runs out at the end of next summer! Now all I need to do is find a job at a photo lab and enroll in classes. My parents are being really annoying about the school thing. They want me to see if I can take classes at the real college (UCSC), which I was accepted to last Spring, but declined their invitation. It's an impossible idea, but I will call just to make my mother happy. I am hoping to just enroll in a few classes at community college and work part-time. Maybe I'll have to wait until the Winter to do it, but I don't mind. I need to get a job first, and arrange classes around that. It's a lot easier to schedule classes around a job than it is to arrange a job around classes. At least that's how I see it. My mother might disagree.

I went to an NA meeting last night. My mother wanted me to go, and I'm willing to do what I can to make her more comfortable. It was strange. I saw a lot of people that I haven't seen in over a year. They looked exactly the same. I also found out about a bunch of people who I thought had just disappeared. Andrew is moving to New York. Leslie went to Boston. No one knows if she's strung out or not, but her ex-boyfriend didn't seem to think so. I miss them, but I don't miss the program. I have a really hard time with AA and NA. Maybe I'm just jaded against the concept of 'faith' being able to get me through everything. I prefer to rely on myself and on people around me a lot more than on blind conceptions. Then again, maybe I'm just making excuses because I can't deal with all the pretention that goes along with most of the people in the program. It really is a cult of sorts, sometimes. Last night sparked an interest in getting sucked back into it, but I know that it never made any difference in my not shooting dope before, and I doubt it will now. I know I'm not going to do it. I don't need a 'Higher Power' to tell me that. Fuck yeah.

My hand is hurting way too much. Must stop writing. I have lots to say, but I can't do it right now. I can't wait to move, to be with Scotty, to live. I'll see him tonight, and I can't fucking wait.