I'm tired. I'm tired. I love Dexter each day. I feel scared that he is only dating me because he has no where else to go. He said that once. When we were arguing. Fighting. Yelling. He said he didn't love me. He said something along the lines of 'I'm trapped in a relationship with a person that I don't love anymore, that I don't even like.' He also said he thinks the only reason I'm with him is to get in his pants. These things hurt me. A lot. I think about them when we kiss. I think about them when he holds me and tells me he loves me. When we have a great night, and all of the sudden I remember something he said in an argument that he immediately said wasn't true, but that still came out. I remember and then my tone changes. My attitude changes. My voice changes. And he notices, and then I've ruined the night. Because I think too much.

He said that I would be completely 'in love' with him, and then I'd move on, and the same thing with the next guy, and the next, and that it doesn't mean shit that I love him more than anyone else. Anyone.

I was hurt.

Things are stellar now, but these random moments pop up for me, when thins are perfect, like at this very instant, and I don't know what to do. So I cry a lot.

And I tell him the truth. That I love him. In a different way, and much more, than any boyfriend I've had, and friend I've had, and any person I've ever known. I smile at him. I do try to get him into bed, but that's not quite right. Too personal for here. Enough.

LOVE