so should i stop speaking stupid boring shit and actually say something honest and real and heartfelt and just sound like every other fucker with stupid tattoos and their hearts on their sleeves or should i keep bullshitting here and sticking rigs in my arm and keeping up with this relationshihp with a drug with a boy with a family with myself that just ends with a fucking ambulance ride and a catheter and a tube and some more fucking depression and i say i want to kill myself but i don't really mean it except that i do, i would in that instant pull the trigger knock the chair over jump swallow the pills slit the wrists only i'm too scared to do it and too unsure about what comes after but i get to feeling like my life really means so little right now, i don't mean much to very many people, and i don't really add anything to the world to my friends lives to my parents to my boyfriend but stress anmd depression and worry and sarcarsm and fights and money money money and wouldn't it all be easier if it all ended?

ENDED