[03.27.03]-[1:11 p.m.]
I feel responsible for Dexter's happiness, and when he is unhappy, I feel equally responsible. So I feel like shit because he is unhappy, even though i had
I'mbacki Berkeley, by the way. I told New York City to FUCK OFF, and ccame home. Living with the folks has been stressful, but being with Dexter has made my life worth living. Only, right now, I feel like shit.
My hair is still falling out. My foot hurts like hell. I do not have adequate pain medication. I think I am going to start with a fentanyl patch tomorrow after I see the doctor. The Oxy-Contin doesn't work. I take 5 pills at a time, morning and night, and I still feel like my foot is being torn, twisted, and mutilated all tthe time. I want to try this patch. Each one lasts like three days. And it is constant strong narcotic pain management. I need it, I think.
I want to die right now. I really do.
'If you've lost all your hope, if you've lost all your faith I know you can be cared for and I know you can be safe.' ----'Down There By The Train' by Johnny Cash
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