The semester is wrapping up. I've got one more final in Czech on Wednesday, and one paper due next week, then it's off to sunny (not likely this time of year) California. Rock balls! I can't fucking wait. Laura will be home, Caitlin's there, Scott wants to see me, and I have a standing invitation for a place to stay in Seattle should I choose to take a road trip!

Oh yeah, my folks bailed me out. I feel really guilty. Mum let me deposit a check from the insurance company in my account, even though they were really paying her back. Saving my ass. Now I can eat some real food, maybe. I'm going to do my best not to spend any of it, so I can give it back when I get home. But I'm not sure if I can make it for the next week and a bit for under 40 dollars. Call me spoiled.

I'm a fucking loser. I really am.

I started thinking about what things are going to be like when I get home. I'm not wrapped up in it, especially, I don't think. But I wonder what it will be like with Scotty. Wonder whether I want to fuck. Wonder whether I want to acknowledge my natural inclination towards resuming where we left off. Natural inclination or no, I don't think I really want to. Having a sort of loose, open, fuck kind of relationship sounds pretty appealing, without screwing my emotions. I did it nicely when he was here in NYC for that weekend, I wonder if I am able to do it for a month. I'm thinking about getting out of town for a bit in the middle, going to Seattle. Haven't been there for ages, and my uncle has a place. I want to drag Scott along. He'll want to fly. I'll make him drive.

Home. It's a strange concept at this point. I'm so inbetween at this point. It's like I don't really have a home. I've been away from my folks for long enough, a year and a half, almost, that I shouldn't really think of that house as home, but I still think of Berkeley as home. I know my way around; I never have to look at a map. I still look at maps in New York. The City isn't really home, though my apartment is. That's a weird thought. Santa Cruz sure as fuck isn't home. Though Scott is there, and he does add some level of comfort to my life. Err, he did anyways, when SC was home. But Berkeley will always be home.

In other news... two middle aged gay women are going to be staying at our place for a week! I don't know how exactly this will work out, but we'll see. They're from Australia, and they're travelling around, and they need a place to stay. So they're going to pay us 250 to do it. Both of us need the money, so we're going to. Sort of scary, but what can you do? They sound nice enough (I'm a trusting bastard).